What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 03:44
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I couldn’t, believe it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
How was your JEE Advanced 2024 result?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She wouldn,t have been !
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
What are some reasons why men may not want to date a woman who can pay her own bills?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Which brand is the best home slippers in the Middle East?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She found it foreign!.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Who then, do I blame.?
Can you tell me a depressing story?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was 9 years of age.
How were cows used in ancient India?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
(And it was in our own minds.)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Why are Indians so influenced by the Western culture, when the Indian tradition has so much to give?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Why is the US going after Canada after all? What is the reason for all this hostility?
Would this be the day?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He knew the spot.
In the TV show Supernatural, why is God portrayed as cruel?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I can not sleep. what is the problem?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Comes on , in middle age.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He resisted the act ,that day.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But it wasn’t much.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I don,t even have a pension.
And i lived it daily.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was very sick at this time too.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I said to her
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I waited trembling.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was seconnd youngest,
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
When she asked me how she looked .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
So whats the point in blame.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I have no regrets .
I could never make a relationship work though!
So, i spoilt her more .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My family never makes their pension either.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
This is soul school!.
I was scared of men, in general
We all went to grammer schools
All the time i was locked up.
What did i know ?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Ive learnt so much.
Put me off passion for life!!
She loved him until the end.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I think the readers, may guess!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She was in good health!
We were not on the streets..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I will be 64.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My life is so biszare .
But, we were locked up after school.
It was going to be , some day.
One cannot live in the past .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I write beautiful poetry .
Im still living with it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I never cut or harmed myself..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She married twice! .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.